dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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