i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
