She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
