dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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