I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
