I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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