I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
