i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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