It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
