i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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