His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
