I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
