Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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