I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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