if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
