idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
