just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
