It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
