Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
