Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
