3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize