You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
