the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My pussy is not your playground.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
