I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
