put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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