i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
