Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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