I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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