just tell him i said nine months
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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