And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
