maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize