dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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