You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
