The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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