I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
