Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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