guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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