Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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