she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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