Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
