We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
