Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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