Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
