Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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