it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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