whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
