I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
