I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
