Sponge bath it is.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
