totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
