these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
