I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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