Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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