how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
