I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize