I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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