i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
