I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sex in a hospital.. check
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
