the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
