Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
