He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
