He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize