So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
