Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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