went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
