Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
