Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
