oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
