I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
