I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
