when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
