Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
