worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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