Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
