god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Boobs speak an international language.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
