I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
