I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
