I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
