Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
