the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize