Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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